Enna   |

Enna

Specialist

    Specialist

    Harvard University graduate

    San Francisco

Member   |    May,27,2021
Relationship

My spouse is in denial of being insecure, he covers it by being arrogant in communicating with me and other people. I somehow get used to it but avoids talking with him especially when I could not tolerate it anymore. I am practicing the art of ignoring him for me to keep my sanity yet it made him even madder at me. I tried to speak to him in any way that I can, but every time I tried to mention this attitude, he shut me off. What could I possibly do then to help him?

(More)

My spouse is in denial of being insecure, he covers it by being arrogant in communicating with me and other people. I somehow get used to it but avoids talking with him especially when I could not tolerate it anymore. I am practicing the art of ignoring him for me to keep my sanity yet it made him even madder at me. I tried to speak to him in any way that I can, but every time I tried to mention this attitude, he shut me off. What could I possibly do then to help him?
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- Website Owner
  
  Website Owner
  
  Specialist
  
      Specialist
  
      Harvard University graduate
  
      San Francisco
  
  (More)
  27 May, 2021
- Gwyn
  
  Gwyn
  
  Specialist
  
      Specialist
  
      Harvard University graduate
  
      San Francisco
  
  Good points.
  
  (More)
  
  Good points.
  
  24 Jul, 2021
  Reply Like (0) Unlike (0) Please Log in or Sign up to leave your Reply.
- Luzmery Romero
  
  Luzmery Romero
  
  Specialist
  
      Specialist
  
      Harvard University graduate
  
      San Francisco
  
  Hello Enna! I see why this is a struggle,
  
  It is interesting that you associate...
  (More)
  
  Hello Enna! I see why this is a struggle,
  
  It is interesting that you associate his arrogance with his insecurity, and the fact that you mention that he is in denial already speaks to the difficulty he has to accept this characteristic in himself. Sometimes when we approach someone, even with the best intention, pointing out his defect, we generate a phenomenon called psychological reactance. "Reactance is an emotional reaction in direct contradiction to rules or regulations that threaten or suppress certain freedoms in behavior. ... It can occur when someone is strongly pressured to accept a certain point of view or attitude."
  
  In the case of your spouse, he may stop listening to you because he cannot accept the change you suggest. Many times the change can occur in a simple communication strategy that reduces this reactance phenomenon. Beggin by preparing him for what he is going to hear, when you talk about this try other time than after an argument, it is better if you are both calm. Then begins by showing positive aspects of his person, that which makes you continue to want to be with him. Continue with requesting his attention "I would like to talk to you about something that is important" indicate your intention "and I want to do it so that you can clarify my doubts or take into account my feelings and opinion", again say something positive "you are a wonderful person, but sometimes I feel sad or upset when you treat me arrogantly, for example: (indicates some cases)" and finish the sentence by saying, "I would like to know why you think this is happening, and what we could do to improve it because it makes me feel bad."
  
  This simple change in problem formulation helps reduce psychological reactance. If he still refuses to listen, it is probably best to see a professional or couples psychotherapist.
  
  Hope this helps!
  
  02 Jun, 2021
  Reply Like (2) Unlike (0) Please Log in or Sign up to leave your Reply.

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